Child care

Q. How do I find the right child care?

A. Decide what will be best for your child and what you can afford. Find out what’s available in your area from other mothers, your health care professional, or local government organizations. Your options for child care may include baby-sitters, relatives, nannies, au pairs, and day-care centers. The important thing is to find good-quality child care with which both you and your child will be happy.

Whatever you choose, you should allow your child to spend time with your caregiver before returning to work so that she can settle into her new environment. And right from the start, it’s important to address things like how your child’s day will be organized, whether or not there will be a problem if you are delayed at work, and questions of discipline.

Q. What’s a nanny?

A. A nanny works in your home on a live-in or daily basis. Many have professional qualifications that you may find reassuring, but it is also important to find someone with whom both you and your child feel comfortable. You may find a nanny through an agency, word-of-mouth, or local advertising.

Employing a nanny can be expensive, and if cost is a problem, you might be able to join a nanny-share. Talk to other mothers locally to see if sharing a nanny could be an option for you.

Q. What is an au pair?

A. An au pair is a young person arriving in your country to learn about culture and language and to meet new friends. The au pair lives with your family, and you provide her with her own room, all her meals, and some pay. In return the au pair helps your family with light housework and child care, about 25 to 40 hours per week. Although au pairs can look after preschool children, they usually take language classes during the day, so they are more suitable for evening baby-sitting, or for older children who need after-school care.

You can find an au pair through specialist agencies listed in your phone directory. Some agencies deal with au pairs from a particular country, and they will help match your needs with a suitable applicant.

Q. What about day-care centers?

It’s a good idea to ask other mothers to recommend one. Many good day-care centers have a waiting list and can be heavily booked, so it’s advisable to put your child’s name down as soon as possible—sometimes even before the baby is born!

Make sure you visit the center before making your decision. Have a checklist of questions to help assess whether the facility meets your needs. These could include the following:

	Do the children seem happy here?
	Does it seem really friendly?
	Are there enough resources and activities for the children?
	Does the day-care center have a good safety system to ensure unaccompanied strangers aren’t allowed to enter the building?

Q. How can I help the relationship between the caregiver and my child?

A. Build a good relationship with the caregiver yourself. Whether the person looking after your child is a baby-sitter, relative, nanny, au pair, or day-care center attendant, try to take a couple of minutes to chat when you see her. Discuss the day’s events, pass on anything that will help her with your child, and ask her how your child is getting on. Always apologize if you’re late, and remember that an occasional bunch of flowers to show you appreciate her efforts really does encourage a more caring relationship all around.

Q. What if I feel jealous of my child’s caregiver?

A. From time to time you may.

Whether your child care is on a one-to-one basis with a nanny or sitter, or in a group day-care center, it’s natural for your child to form an attachment to her caregiver. If your child is at a day-care center you may find that she settles better with one particular person. As she starts to talk, some names may be mentioned repeatedly.

As a result, most working mothers experience moments when they wonder whether their children are having a better time with their caregivers than with them.

If this happens to you, take it as a positive sign that your child is happy and able to form relationships with other adults and children—and not as a rejection. There is no reason why your own special relationship with your child should be undermined. You can reinforce your bond with your child by spending special time together when you are not at work.

Remember that the happier your child is with her caregiver, the more relaxed you will feel about leaving her. This is also excellent preparation for the time when your child starts school.