Is disciplining a toddler really helpful? Aren't they too young to understand?
Although it may sometimes seem pointless, the toddler years are the time to start teaching children right from wrong. In order to stop being a self-centered toddler some day, your child will need to develop his sense of self-control.

Since learning self-control is a long-term process, it is wise to start early. If he doesn't learn to follow at least a few rules now, it will be harder for him to cope later on.

Do toddlers misbehave on purpose?
Because a toddler does not truly understand right from wrong, it is doubtful that he is misbehaving on purpose or out of spite.

Misbehavior is more likely to be occurring for one of these reasons:

• Because they learn by experimenting, toddlers constantly test cause and effect. ("What will happen if I turn my cup of juice over? What will mommy do?")
  
  
• A toddler may be distracted rather than disobedient. If he is absorbed in building with his blocks, he may not have "heard" daddy call.
  
  
• A toddler's impulse control is weak. Although he heard you say that pulling the cat's tail is wrong, he cannot yet restrain his urge to do it.

It will take years of guidance from you and other caring adults to develop the self-control that leads to good behavior.

My toddler seems to do the same "no-nos" over and over again. Is he just bad?
Probably not. It is normal to have to repeat the same reminders ("Don't touch the electrical wires") to toddlers over and over again for weeks or even months.

To help preserve your sanity, it is helpful to child-proof your home to some extent so that he can safely explore without hearing "no" at every turn. See Keeping Toddler Safe for suggestions.

Is it okay to offer rewards in return for cooperation?
When you are trying to get a reluctant toddler to do things your way, you'll want to encourage him to see things your way. But be careful to stay away from outright bribes ("I'll give you a lollipop if you stop screaming in the store"). They'll only encourage your child to say "no" next time so that you'll offer a treat as a reward.

It is okay to entice your toddler with the benefits of his cooperation. Think more along the lines of, "Let's get you dressed in pajamas now so that we'll have time to read a book before bedtime."

Your toddler may also be more cooperative if he is offered a choice (the blue pajamas or the green ones?).

Doesn't telling a toddler "no" limit his development?
Actually, not setting limits can stifle his development. Limits let children know what to expect and help him feel secure enough to explore and grow. Children who do not have lovingly enforced limits can actually be quite scared. Unable to control their impulses, they look to adults to provide guidance.

That said, you don't want to constantly say "no." Try to reserve "no" for situations that threaten harm to others, your toddler, or your home. This will be easier to do if your childproof your home. See Keeping Toddler Safe for suggestions.

You can also help your toddler to explore in an appropriate way if you offer an alternative: "You can't play with mommy's phone, but here's a toy phone you can play with."

Is it possible to be too strict?
If you have too many rules or rules that are not age-appropriate, you may overburden your child and frustrate yourself.

At first, concentrate on enforcing rules that keep him safe and that prevent him from hurting other people (hitting, biting, kicking). Over time, you can gradually introduce more rules that will help your toddler become a more civilized person.

Is spanking harmful?
Most experts agree that physical punishment does more harm than good for several reasons:

• It is not useful in helping children learn self-discipline. Instead of learning right from wrong, they learn to obey only because of fear.

• It teaches children that it is okay to hit or be violent when they are angry or upset.

• Physical punishment can harm your child physically and emotionally.

• Spanking can make the child angry at the parent, potentially making them more likely to take revenge on the parent by continuing to misbehave.

Experts tend to recommend brief isolation, commonly known as a "timeout," as a more effective means of punishment.

How does a "timeout" work?
A "timeout" is a brief isolation of a child from attention, toys, and fun. It is designed to allow an out-of-control toddler to regain control.

Timeouts should be served in a safe, quiet place (a playpen, a chair) away from the action. Keep a hand on toddler's shoulder if necessary in order to make him sit still.

For toddlers, a timeout of a minute or two is usually enough to make an impact.

How can I discipline effectively?
Some helpful principles include:

• Catch them being good. Noticing good behavior helps to reinforce it. You don't want your toddler to think that the only way to get your attention is to misbehave.
  
  
• Don't protect your toddler from the consequences of his actions. If he deliberately throws his cookie on the floor, then no more cookies.
  
  
• Give a warning, but then follow through if toddler misbehaves. It's fair to let toddler know when he's is on the verge of trouble. However, if you don't act if doesn't change his ways, your warnings will quickly lose their meaning.
  
  
• Explain, in simple terms, why he is being punished so that he begins to see the connection between his actions and the consequences. Carrying out the punishment immediately will also help his understanding of cause and effect.
  
  
• Be consistent. Do not randomly change the rules. And be sure to enforce them consistently, or your toddler will be confused.
  
  
• Ensure that all adults in the house and all caregivers agree to and understand the rules of discipline for your toddler. If the rules vary from person to person, toddler will be confused.